Just Get On With Things.

Some people must be thinking I should just get on with things. So many people go through cancer and side effects and be strong. I wish I was like those strong people who can just put things behind them and move on but I'm not. 20 years of suffering everyday is such a long time all the way back to my accident and to have to deal with breast cancer and effects on top of that along with depression sometimes gets to much to deal with. health issue's arise and I'm told to tell my cancer doctor when I see him and he tells me certain issues have nothing to do with him. So my question is where does that leave me? it leaves me feeling stuck. I try to fix my own health issues by myself when they come up. Sometimes I can and sometimes I cant. I had to find my own way through learning about cancer and find my own ways with dealing with emotions because I sure didn't get offered any professional help when I was diagnosed with cancer. When I was diagnosed with cancer everything started to change. Family members had to move away. I found I hated myself and still do. Yes your hair grows back after treatment. Did you know your hair can grow back differently after treatment? mine did. I had long lovely black straight hair and it grew back curly and now it is short. I went to a hairdresser and she made me look like elvis or something. I came out feeling worse then before I went in. Came home got Kevin to fix my hair the way I wanted it and decided Kevin would be my hairdresser from now on. When I hear people tell me I'm strong I'm thinking no I'm not strong. People don't understand how much suffering is on the inside unless your with that person every single day. Kevin would be the only person in the world who sees how much I really suffer inside.

Depression

Depression seems to be getting the better of me these days. I fight it as much as I can. The after effects of having cancer treatment and radiotherapy seem to be an on going thing for me. 2 years of suffering is a long time and it's still going strong. Finally my left side numbness after having the breast removed is healing very slowly. People don't understand that once the cancer is gone you still have so much to deal with. It's not just as simple as going to the doctors when something is up. Having to wait 2 years after treatment to have 2 teeth taken out sucks. I'm told by most doctors that my problems are all to do with cancer. That is all well and good relating issues to the cancer but for heavens sake try treat the problem instead of giving me the run around. My depression gets so bad that I switch myself off from everyone and that is not good. I don't feel like I'm getting the support I need or needed right from the start of my breast cancer journey.