PERMISSION GRANTED !!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Today my fiancée was granted permission to be with me for a few weeks :) :) :)

I am so happy I cannot wait it has been a long 7 months since we last saw each other and so much has happened in that time. Tomorrow morning is my operation to remove my left breast and gland under my left arm I am nervous but the excitement of kevin coming over keeps me smiling, strong and very happy. I cannot believe my luck !!! It came to 5 o clock this evening and I was so depressed thinking we would hear nothing back today from immigration. I was so happy to get the call granting permission felt like all my Christmas's coming together at once. So many people have been trying to help us and I am extremely grateful. Everyone's prayers have been a blessing in so many ways. To both mine and kevin's family and everyone that supported us we love you all thank you so so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Results Of Tests And Scans.

Today I went back to the hospital at 1pm for my results. The doctor had been delayed so had a long anxious wait for my turn I could feel myself shaking inside. The doctor said all the scans and blood tests came back clear the cancer had not spread and that it was just the left breast in 2 areas and the gland under my arm he recommended I have a Mastectomy on Friday morning because he had a space free for me. So the surgery is been done Friday morning. I was not expecting things to happen that fast I knew I would have to have surgery within the next few weeks but it's a matter of days. I am very nervous and wish the love of my life was by my side right now. I am determined to beat this one way or another and am very grateful to god for giving me the chance to be able to do this. I am going to make it to my dream wedding to Kevin.

Thank You To Everyone Supporting Us. xxxxxx

I would like to thank everyone supporting us at this difficult time. It has been so hard over the last few weeks. The support from everyone has been amazing and does make a big difference. Myself, kevin and the kids do appreciate all the support we are getting. We would also like to thank everyone trying to help in any way that they can and for all the prayers, best wishes, thoughts, kind words, listings and followers. We all have a tough journey ahead of us and it's not going to be easy but we will get through it someway. Your support means a great deal to us and we cant thank everybody enough. Lots of kisses and hugs to you all. God bless you and thanks xxxxx

Catherine.

My Lovely Long Hair Does It Have To Go?

I'm not sure yet if my hair will fall out from treatment I'm hoping I'm lucky enough to keep it I will be devastated if it has to go. One thing I do like about myself is my hair!

If it has to go then I'm getting a wig as soon as possible! my sister told me last night if my hair goes she is cutting her hair short in support of me. When she said that I felt choked.

I have had long hair for as long as I can remember and I know it will grow back it's just the thought of it all and how quick things are going to start happening to me. I am scared I'm scared of it all!

Sometimes I feel like getting a scissors and chopping all my hair off to help me prepare for it.

I know Kevin will love me no matter what happens to me and thats really good to know.

My daughters communion is coming up in a few weeks and I want to have hair for that special day. It's important for her that I look good I don't want her to be embarrassed of me!

Seems like a little thing to worry about but I feel like it's major to me.

I'm Going To Keep Writing My Breast Cancer Journey All The Way !!!!!

I'm not stopping here. I am going to keep writing my breast cancer journey all the way. Through all the pain, stress, fear. And show people just how serious it is and what I have to go through. It's not another ordinary day for me!!! Everyones lives are going to change in a big way especially mine.

I have determination to fight for everything I want and will get it even if it means with NO HELP !!

How can one prepare for something as big as Cancer? I can fight and take each day as it comes but that doesn't mean I'm ready. It is easy to say to people your a fighter, think positive, you can do it, When your not the one that has to. I do admire anyone who has had to deal with cancer in anyway. At this point I can only imagine what people with cancer have had to go through. I know I have all this to face and that I have to face it without the love and support of my fiancée by my side.

I feel like I'm alone without him doesn't matter how many people say your not alone fact is I am alone inside without him! My heart is broke without him and has been for a long time. It's 7 months since I last saw him and I don't know how long it will be till I can see him again. It's not fair it's not like I haven't done my fair share of travel to see him and now that I physically cant travel he is not allowed to come to me. So my question is: DOES NOBODY HAVE A HEART?

Breast Cancer Is Not A Piece of Cake !!!!!!!!!!!

I guess I can't get over the fact that ANYONE can say breast cancer is not serious enough!!!!!

I think about it every single day! Yes it can be treated, beaten, Imagine been told YOU had breast cancer would you be thinking ok it's not serious it can be beaten and I can do this without the support of my loved one thousands of miles away? All I can say is power to you if you can!!!!

So many worries are going through my mind right now and I still don't think I am ready for whats in store for me, my fiancée, and children! Might be easy for people that are NOT affected by it but is sure isn't going to be easy for any of us!!!!!

At 19 I was smashed into by a lorry so I know All about hardship and PAIN and now at 38 I face another major battle in life!!!! Seriously do I not deserve a brake right now?

In my entire 38 years of life Kevin is the only person that has made me very very happy and feel loved! I need him more than ever by my side and I wish people could understand in some small way. Life keeps kicking me down and he is the only one that can pick me up !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scans And Tests Today.

What a day I had today! left the house at 8am went to the hospital had to have a liver scan first unaware that you had to fast for it. I never usually eat in the mornings but decided to have a lovely croissant filled with chocolate and a hot chocolate drink to go with it. I was nervous about the tests. Turned out they could do the liver scan after all and she told me the liver looked good. What a relief and the first thing I thought was Thank you God. Next was the lung x-ray which only took a few seconds then I had my bloods done then down to the nuclear medicine for the injection into the arm to show up all my bones for the bone scan I was trembling with fear and the bone scan seemed endless my back was braking and my hands were going numb from keeping so still. I was asked if I had any pains in my bones I said no and was told I could go that I was all done. I was wondering why I was asked that question which had me even more worried when I left. It was bothering me so much I had to ring the breast nurse to find out why I was asked that question. She reassured me it was a normal question to ask looked at the computer and told me all the scans and x-ray results were back and that they were all clear !!! I was well happy. The cancer had not spread to other parts of my body. I go back to the hospital on Wednesday at 1 o clock for all the results and to see the specialist.

Kevin Tells Me To Concentrate On Getting Better !!!

Kevin tells me to concentrate on getting better. That is something I cannot do without Kevin here to help me! I know some people think Breast Cancer is no big deal and it can be beaten but I can assure it is a VERY BIG DEAL!

My life hangs over my head right now till I get all the test results back to see if the cancer has spread. Can anyone seriously imagine how that feels when your loved one is thousands of miles away? he can't hold me or kiss me or be with me at all those very important appointments when I'm feeling sick with fear at what i'm going to be told!!!!!

So tell me if i'm wrong and that there is some person out there that would rather go through all this without the support of their loved one with them. Everyone would prefer to have someone that loves them so much by their side at this tough time!!!!!!

This Is For You Andrew xxxx

Thank you Andrew xxx. Your help and understanding has been amazing. We are both very grateful to you for all your help. If there is one person in the world trying to help it's definitely you. Your a great cousin to have and I know your behind us all the way. Your comments on the posts show that you do actually care and thats really nice to know we have your support all the way. I'm down cause I feel like I'm getting no where and no one else cares enough apart from you.

I'm not going to stop fighting or give up someone somewhere can do something if they took the time to care just like you do. People read things but don't truly understand how it really feels.

It's times like this when the people that actually care show and your amazing.

Love you loads and thank you so very much for all your help xxxxxxxx

Immigration !!!! Try Tell My Kids Breast Cancer Isn't Serious Enough! Would They Say That To Their Own Kids?!!!!!

How can Irish Immigration say Breast Cancer isn't SERIOUS enough!!!!! Try telling that to my children and tell them to just cope with it !!!!!!

They need things to be kept as normal as possible !!! so when treatment starts and they have to be shifted here there and anywhere instead of been able to stay at home where they would rather be with Kevin who loves them like they were his own. Why put them through all that as well as worrying if i'm going to be ok!!!!!

Do the children and their feelings not count? again I ask wouldn't you want the best for your children? It makes me sick to think all that needs to be done is a compassionate visa and nothing else!!!!!! Is that to much to ask for? seems to be the case!

The IMPORTANT thing is whats happening now and thats BREAST CANCER not your everyday case of a holiday !!!!!!!!!

Larger Biopsy Out Of The Way.

Yesterday I had to have larger biopsy's done. I had been dreading it for days and new I was going to be awake. The doctor gave me as much as he could to make me feel numb. It was a little sore.

I was shaking with the fear of what was going to happen.

It didn't take as long as I had expected which was good. I was happy when it was over!

I was told to take it easy for the day and relax which I did I slept for hours yesterday and didn't expect to sleep so long. Kevin stayed on Skype with me from the time I got home till the time I fell asleep late last night. He supports me as much as can but would much prefer to be here in person so he can help with everyday things! and be here for me in person. It's shocking how Immigration can say breast cancer is not serious enough for my fiancée to be here with me and If the issue is "money or insurance" then it's not a PROBLEM!

Why would he want to live here after what he went through! our plan was to get married in U.S.A not Ireland! but me been sick changes things! It's not like I can travel now!!!!!!!!!

My Children Know I Have Breast Cancer.

On Monday after I came back from the hospital I told my Fiancée the bad news then I told my family It was a heartbreaking day for everyone. I waited for my children to come home from school all the other kids went out to play. They were wondering what was going on and why they were all called into the room. My sisters and mother had to tell them the bad news I could not bare to tell them. They were devastated and crying so much they had me in bits! they kept hugging me and telling me they loved me so much. It was the hardest thing ever to have to watch.

They had everybody in tears and broke everyones heart. Everybody was hugging them and explaining as best they could to stop them from worrying. I told them I'm going nowhere and I'm going to fight it all the way and do my best to get kevin over to be with us.

All the kids were asking when is Kevin coming over I told them he is trying everything in his power to be with us and we are not giving up.

Best News So Far !!!!

Today I saw all my aunty's and my cousin everybody was hugging me. I felt pretty down and it was very emotional. I was saying how I don't know what to do anymore and that myself and kevin had tried everything possible for him to be allowed over to me. Kevin phoned immigration today and said the circumstances had changed and that I was now diagnosed with breast cancer and he was told it would have to be serious! is cancer diagnosis not serious enough?

I was even more down after that news I felt like there was no hope what so ever then I saw a text from my cousin saying he had been in touch with someone about me and got a reply back near enough straight away. Tomorrow Someone is giving me a call so hopefully I will have some answers or even better some good news. I would like to say a very special thank you to my cousin he has given me something hopeful to look forward to.

My Oldest Daughter.

This post is for you. I love you and I'm not going anywhere! I don't give up easy and normally get what I want eventually! This is an important year for you and I want you to do well. I'm proud of you and your a wonderful daughter to have. Your coffee is amazing (even though you cant cook lol)

shush did I say that out loud? lol. I'm just cheering you up a bit I know it's very hard but we will all get through this together xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I Have Breast Cancer !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I went to the hospital saw the specialist had the mammogram, scan, 2 biopsy's and the results were that I had breast cancer. I went alone because my fiancée could not be here with me.

I told my family took the kids off school early and my heart broke for them. Everyone was so upset today I didn't know what to do. All I could do was hug them, tell them I love them and that I'm going to fight all the way. They asked if Kevin was coming over to be with us and I said he is doing everything in his power to come to Ireland. And he won't stop till he is here with us. I need him here with me and the children where he belongs!

My Fiancée is on my mind!

My fiancée is on my mind. He is trying so hard to be strong for me. He needs support to. This isn't easy for anyone involved. He is worried sick just like I am. He is there for me as much as I need him and never wants to leave my side. Last night I had to persuade him to take a brake and go out to dinner he didn't want to go. We spend every moment we can together on the video calls and I would never be able to get through this without him. We are passionate about getting married and we are going to make it. I say to my self why would he want to stick around through all this stress when life could be so much better for him. I know the answer is that he really truly does love me.

He makes such a big impact on my life and gives me something to fight for along with my children.

I know when some people get together first and your madly in love most of the time its like the bubble stage then sometimes the bubble stage goes and your still in love but there is no spark as time goes by. I have to say I feel the same way as I did when I first got with Kevin nothing could stop me loving him the way I do. He has a very special place in my heart and always will.

Do People Read My Blog?

Sometimes I wonder if anyone reads the stuff I write. I'm sure some people do but just don't comment. I like writing what's on my mind and I am finding it helpful. So I guess if it helps then thats all that matters. I sit there thinking for a while when I wake up very early in the mornings and say to myself I feel like writing and I write whats on my mind at the time. A few days ago I went shopping it was lashing with rain outside and I saw a very old couple linking arm and arm walking slowly in the rain. I looked at them depressed as hell thinking aw thats so sweet to see. They looked so happy together and it looked to me like they were helping each other walk they were so old. I thought to myself I want to live to be that old with Kevin and have him by my side like that lovely old couple. I can't express enough how happy kevin makes me and I want the chance to be able to marry him and grow old with him and see the children all become fine young adults. All I can do is hope for now.

My Son's Dream.

My son will be 13 in the summer. Tough stage I know. Cheeky out and out but has a heart of gold.

His dream is to be a footballer he has loved football with a passion since he was very little. He supports Liverpool F.C. and his dream is to be able to play for them one day. Every chance he gets to play football he does even in the house! I would love to be around long enough to see him make his dream and meet his goals in life. I'm not ready to leave him he still has a good bit to go before he reaches adulthood. I want him to grow into a kind loving caring person and for him to be successful at whatever he chooses to do in life. I like to see him happy and always wish I could do more for him. He needs to quit knocking my clocks off the wall with that football! hopefully I will get the chance to look back in years to come and tell him he owe's me some clocks.

Earlier Date For Breast Clinic.

I received a call from the breast clinic saying they had a cancellation and would I be able to attend on Monday 12th of April. I knew my doctor was on their case as there is a strong family history of Cancer. I am thrilled that I don't have to wait so long now and on the other hand I'm very nervous. Just a couple of days left to wait such a relief not having to be sick with worry for 7 weeks!

Next step is lots of prayers that I'm ok and get the all clear. Don't want to have to give anyone bad news, don't know how i'm going to cope with bad news.

The worst part of all this is not known what is going to happen. Everything in the air, not knowing answers to so many questions. Finally got a brake in life meeting Kevin the man of my dreams and now this. He shows so much love and support I'm so lucky to have him even if he is half way around the world from me. I know he loves me with all his heart and is with me every step of the way through everything.

Doctor Agrees With Me!

I went to the doctors and she agreed that 7 weeks was to long to wait to be seen at the breast clinic. She phoned me to say she had been ringing all morning trying to get through and that no one was answering the phone! she left messages for the clinic to get back to her as soon as possible and she sent a fax to the breast clinic. I have to wait and see now if the appointment is brought forward.

I was told 2-4 weeks should be maximum waiting time not 2 months! do they think that someone waiting to find out if they have cancer isn't going to worry while they have that long wait?

Do they think people can just carry on as normal with every day to day stuff without been affected? I sometimes wonder how certain people would feel if it was them in the same situation!

I cant think straight or stop worrying till I know whether I have breast cancer or not!

Would It Make A Difference If We Were Famous?

Now there's a good question to ask. Would it make a difference if we were famous? could be wrong but in my opinion the answer to that question would be yes! If I was rich would I have to wait 7 weeks to be tested for breast cancer? answer to that question would be no!

Money seems to be the most important thing in the world! Well not to me it isn't ! I think health, happiness and love is what makes the world go around not money! sure it helps in some ways to have some but does not fix every problem in life! what good is having all the money in the world if your not happy?

Money cant buy you love, or fix certain problems. In my opinion it seems to me if you don't have it then your not important!

I cant even get an answer to a serious health question so what does that tell you!

Everything Boils Down To You And I !

Everything to do with us boils down to you and I. Trying to be successful, trying to be together properly. Everyone else has their own lives and stuff going on. We are two everyday ordinary people who love each other very much with lots of stress going on right now. We have made it through so many obstacles together along the way. The good thing about that is that neither one of us gives up. We have a very strong bond that no one could ever brake. We will be happy and have what we want it might take a long time to get there but we have the determination to do it.

Do people actually care what happens in other people's lives if it has nothing to do with them directly? sometimes I wonder the answer to that question. You might actually get a few people that do care but most people don't.

I could write a book on all the things we have been through in two years! and at the end of the day who has been there for us all the way? answer to that question is ourselves!

Kevin Your My Life !

The way I see it is your my life partner. You have stuck by me from the start. I have nothing to offer you except unconditional love and loyalty. You do keep me strong in more ways then your aware of. You could have vanished a long time ago if you wanted to after what you went through with immigration! but you chose to stay with me. I know i'm depressed with worry but no one can change that till I get the results. I mean why the hell would you want to stay with me?

That is a question I ask myself all the time. There is nothing but stress and worry in my life and you could do a million times better if you wanted to. You are every womans dream. Your so loving, caring, warm, honest and loyal. what woman wouldn't want someone like you. You are lovely looking and fit to i'd just like to add. I thank my blessings everyday that I have you. And am living for the day that I can be your wife. Your the love of my life and the only person in the world that I want to be with. You make me happy and we will get through this together someway. If I could just have you by my side my prayers would be answered. I really do love you Kevin. xxxxxxxxxx

Bipolar.

This is something I have just known about in the last two years. Before I met my fiancée Kevin I didn't know anything about bipolar or that it even existed. I have learned so much about it now. It is not an easy thing to deal with and in my fiancée's case he has to deal with that as well as deal with me possibly having breast cancer and the fact that we are away from each other. The times we can be together make a Hugh difference to his life. I am his support and can love him and take care of him like no one else can. This is a time where we both need each other for support. He thinks his bipolar is not important right now but I have to disagree with him. He tries to be strong for me and I want to be strong for him. He needs me just as much as I need him. Kevin is a very special person with so much love to give and can cope with anything when we are together. The answers to our problems is each other thats all we want people to see!

I Love To Help People Any Way I Can.

I'm a firm believer in helping people in need where I can. When I was 10 years old I made friends with an old lady who needed help everyday with shopping and stuff. She had a wooden leg so couldn't get around much. I'd go shop for her, stay with her over night keep her company when she was lonely. She had a Hugh family that would call every so often. I did my best to take care of her everyday till the day she died. One morning I went around to check on her only to find she had washed the floor and slipped and banged her head she suffered a massive brain hemorrhage and died. She is always in my thoughts and prayers. I still miss her she was someone I got very close to so positive and happy in life. I did admire her very much.

No matter how rich or poor you are there will always be a point in time in your life where you need help. sometimes I try to think of ways that would change peoples lives for the better. I like to see people happy.

How Unlucky Can A Person Be?

I feel like I am very unlucky. Things seem to happen all the time to keep me down. I fix a problem and I get another one in it's place! Life is nothing but an uphill struggle it seems. How unlucky can a person be? I strongly believe that everyone suffers in their own way somehow! could be wrong but I don't think anyone's life is perfect! how much can a person take? when does life get better?

How much more suffering is there? I fight stress all the time and things never seem to get better!

hope is all I have I seem to be hoping all my life for things to get better! so many times I have felt like giving up but something keeps me going and keeps me fighting. I don't ask for much in life just to be healthy and happy and to see my children happy. Is that asking for to much?

I'm not a strong person and never have been people say I am strong but I don't see it.

My Youngest Daughter.

My youngest daughter is only 9 years old. Every day without fail she talks to my fiancée Kevin.

She tells him that she loves him and wishes he was here. She is making her first holy communion in May and is all excited. She wants Kevin to be here for her big day. She tells him he is the best dad ever and got really close to him in all the time we spent together. He helps her with her spellings for homework on video call and thats something she absolutely loves and looks forward to. If something is up with her and she doesn't want to talk to me she talks to Kevin. If he could be here with us it would change all our lives in so many ways for the better. They finally have a dad that cares and loves them to bits and he cant be with them. Life is to short to be living like this it is such a waste he is a wonderful dad and fiancée and we really need him bad. My children mean the world to me and nothing makes me happier then to see them happy and feel loved. I would do anything for them to have a nice good loving stable up bringing with lots of love and support in everything they do. My heart goes out to them right now they have no idea what so ever of whats going on with me. Someone somewhere could make a Hugh difference to their lives.

My Determination.

I am determined to get what I want in life and that is to have my fiancée here to support me, love me, take care of me, be here for myself and my children. What if I do have breast cancer? what about the children? they need looking after to. It's not just about me! They will need all the support they can get if I do have breast cancer. We need your support bad. My fiancée loves the children as much as he loves his own, the children love him and they know he is always there for them. If you were sick wouldn't you want to make sure your children were ok and were been looked after properly? what does it take to get the support we need! support costs nothing!

What hope do I have If I cannot have the love of my life here with me when I need him so bad!

Seven weeks to wait before tests start and results are known. How would you cope with seven weeks of waiting? It would be a dream come true to be able to have the support that I need. Would anyone be able to do this all on their own?I would do anything in the world to be with him and he would do the same for me! life is not fair!

How Much Sleep Do I Actually Need?

I am tired. How much sleep do I actually need? I wake up early wrecked everyday. No amount of coffee or energy drinks give me energy! No matter how late I stay up I wake up to early. Is it because of worry? I have no problem getting to sleep cause i'm always tired the problem is staying asleep. Someone suggested that I take a sleeping pill to help stay asleep but i'm not sure about that. Don't want to sleep for days either. If I could get a good nights sleep without waking up to early it would help. So if you have any ideas let me know. Thanks.

Writing Helps A Little.

Writing all my feelings and thoughts on matters seem to help a little. Don't get me wrong I'm no professional writer or anything but it is something I have always enjoyed doing along with typing.

I don't pretend to be great at writing and if I can't spell a word correctly I choose another one instead. I know what I want to say and thats what ever is on my mind at the time.

I am not sleeping much right now and seem to wake up at all silly hours when I should be fast asleep so I just write. I think of something thats on my mind and it keeps me busy for a while.

This past week I have been writing non stop along with crying. Guess it's a good thing with helping me to cope a bit better.

Thank You Very Much For Your Support.

I would like to personally thank everybody for their support. It is great to have so much support at an important time like this. I'm coping the best way I can and I have a long journey ahead of me.

A special thank you goes to my fiancée Kevin in U.S.A. He has been tremendous support for me all the way in every way possible the only thing he can't do is be with me in person until we find a way.

Thank you for the following on Twitter. Your support is greatly appreciated.

My Children.

My children are asking questions they see me upset and very down all the time. Its hard to try and pretend nothing is wrong. I want to see them all become adults, make something of their lives and be happy. Isn't that what every mother wants? I think about how I am going to be able to tell them If I do have breast cancer. They are trying to find out what's going on by asking other family members and this is something they do not need to know yet.

I'm trying to be strong and positive for them and at the same time looking at them and thinking how on earth am I going to be able to tell them if I have to it would brake their hearts.

Nobody wants to die and leave young children behind. I have devoted my life to them and i'm not about to give up on them they need me.

Music That I Like.

I love music especially music that expresses feelings. West Life would have to be one of my picks. You raise me up and love can build a bridge would have to be my favorite songs by the group.

So many singers and songs that I like here are some of them. No one by Alicia Keys, long distance by Brandy, with you by Chris Brown, No other one by Taio Cruz, Down by JaySean,

I love the song meet me halfway by Black Eyed Peas. That song is so fitting to my relationship, brilliant song.

My Pink Wedding.

My fiancée and I have set a goal to get married in 2012. It will be the wedding of our dreams.

We have decided to go for a hot pink wedding and no matter what my outcome is I'm going to have that dream wedding and fight all the way if I have to.

The dress I have in mind is stunning a beautiful hot pink dress and I want to get the chance to wear it and marry the man of my dreams. If I can make it that far I will be the happiest woman alive. Kevin is my soul mate, best friend, absolute love of my life who has stuck by me through everything and I want to marry him. In my opinion we make the best couple in the world.

We will have a beautiful pink hummer to match the dress and the best wedding possible for us.

I'm hanging on to that goal for dear life and going to fight to get it.

MY Strange Dream.

I had a dream a few months ago that I had cancer and I was in a hospital bed taking my last breath and my fiancée Kevin couldn't get to me in time. My mother and sister were there but in a different room and my fiancée was on his way from U.S.A. but couldn't make it in time and I died alone.

I had been to a few funerals at the time of the dream so I guess it was on my mind and cancer is something I have always feared. So when I found the lump I was horrified. They say If you dream of dying it is supposed to mean a long life but when I think about my dream I'm not so sure what it means. I don't want to die alone and I want my fiancée with me at all times.

I don't know whats in store for me or whats going to happen but what I do know is no one should have to go through anything like this without the support of your loved one.

7 Weeks To Wait !!!!

Seven whole weeks to wait to see a specialist can you believe that? I was told a week or two at most! and there is me thinking how am I going to get through the next two weeks waiting. Isn't the important thing finding out as soon as possible? maybe it is just me then because I think 7 weeks is a very long time to wait and see if you have breast cancer. Am I supposed to be positive and sit back for nearly 2 months and not worry? or is that considered not a long time to wait to be seen?

What goes through a persons mind while they wait all that time? do people just think positive and go about their business everyday or think oh my god this is my life your talking about?

If I had my way I would find out the same day I found the lump but I guess it doesn't work like that so what can I do except wait!