Herceptin Today..

Today I was back at the hospital to have Herceptin only. My stomach is still upset and not feeling to good again. I had to have an xray of the stomach to make sure everything is ok. I lost 4lb since my first Chemo session last week. I'm not surprised considering I cant taste the food i'm eating and the salt mouth washes are putting me off food.
The Herceptin only took half an hour which was good and no reaction which is even better. Had some waiting around to do but nothing like the hours I spent in hospital last week.

Salt Salt Salt And More Salt !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its nearly a week since I had my first Chemo session and I still feel pretty good except for 2 things one is my stomach gets upset sometimes and the other thing is the salt washes. They are disgusting and need to be done 4 times a day after meals to prevent mouth ulcers. it puts me off wanting to eat because I can taste the salt all day long and the food taste's off. I may as well just hold my head back and tip the drum of salt down my throat. Nothing I eat or drink takes the salt taste away.
The doctor couldn't even recommend anything to get rid of the salt taste so guess I just have to deal with it and get on with it. I like a tiny bit of salt with food but I don't need to put salt on any food now cause I just have to add the food to the salt in my mouth. If your a person that likes salt then this is one sure way to put you off salt for good.

This Is For The Stressed !!!!!

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the feet I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give a 100% at work, 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday and help me to remember ......
When I'm having a bad day and people are trying to wind me up, It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth!

My Relationship With kevin.

I feel like writing about Kevin today. He means the world to me. It is over 2 years now since we got together and I'm still madly in love with him. When we got together first I felt like I was In a fairytale relationship were everything is perfect and your head over heels in love with each other. It is still like that for me and when we are together there is so much love between us everyone can see how happy we make each other. I seriously didn't believe in true love I thought it was a thing were a couple gets together and are all happy and in love at first then things fade out and the couple just get used to being together. Meeting Kevin was one of the best things that could happen to me. I love him with all my heart and he is my prince. He makes me feel alive, loved, important, special, and that I'm the only one for him. I always say I don't know what he sees in me and he could have so much better if he wanted. We go through so much together it makes our love stronger all the time. He has been wonderful through all the breast cancer and been by my side as much as possible. Nothing puts him off me and I feel very lucky to have him in my life. He is an amazing dad you can see the effort and love he gives to all 5 children. Kevin makes me proud to have him by my side. He has so many good points that just stand out a mile to me. I think about Kevin everyday and say Yeah I really love Kevin and he is definitely the one for me. I could not imagine my life without kevin even his posh little ways make me smile. Marrying Kevin will be amazing and I want to beat this Cancer and have a very long happy life with Kevin.

Cancer Poem.

I think about Cancer everyday, About why it had to be this way,
Cancer sucks in every way, I wish it would just go away,
people fight Cancer every day, We have to make it stay away,
I'm going to fight with all I've got, Cancer will not get the lot,
I have to have a fighting spirit, IF I know that I'm going to win it,
How dare you take people's lives away, I'd love to find a cure today,
To this day you make me say, I hate Cancer in every way,

To all the people who have lost their lives, your spirit fights and is still alive,
Cancer is an ugly thing, It should be kicked so people can win,
help us find a cure today, Don't let Cancer take anyone away!
By Catherine.

Lots of Medication To Take.

It's the next day after Chemo and I'm feeling pretty good so far. The nurse went through all the medication that I have to take and what they are for and how long to take them for. She seemed to be writing for ages and there seemed to be a lot so I wrote my own medicine record of what to take in the morning, lunch, dinner and tea time. So here goes the long list of medication if anything it's knowledge for people that don't know what goes along with Chemo. Steroids 2mg 4 morning 4 lunchtime prevents reaction and to be taken day before Chemo, day of Chemo, day after Chemo. Motilium 10mg 4 times a day 20 mins before food, prevents sickness, Day of Chemo and for a week. Zoton 30mg, 1 tablet in the morning before food, prevents acid reflux, day before Chemo and for a week. Tablespoon of salt in water 4 times a day after meals prevents mouth ulcers, day of Chemo and continue and just like to add that is gross and you have to wait 10 mins before the next mouth wash. Mycostatin mouth wash, 4 times a day after the salt mouthwash, prevents thrush, day of Chemo and continue. Newlasta injection, 24-72 hours after Chemo, boosts white cells, once every 3 weeks, increase fluids with that.
The pill box came in very handy considering I'm no good for taken tablets.

My First Chemo Session Was Awful.

Today went asleep at 6.30 am and got up at 730am the steroids kept me awake all night long. I got ready to be at the hospital for 11 am my sister came with me. I checked in and waited 3 hours with no bloods done or had not seen the doctor we were asked to go away and come back after a little bit of time. Eventually I got called and my sister was allowed in the room with me. I was sending texts to kevin to let him know everything that was happening cause he was worried and wishing he was here to be with me. the first Chemo drug was the Taxotere and I was told if there was going to be a reaction then it would be to the Taxotere so they would do that one first. The drip had only been in about 7 mins and my face went all red like it was going to explode and at the same time my chest was tightening and I could not breath properly. They were very quick stopped the Chemo gave me some stuff in the drip waited a while then gave the Taxotere to me again but very slowly then even every ten minutes gave it to me a bit quicker. next was the Herceptin which was fine no problem there and last was the Carboplatin so finally got out of the hospital at 7pm after been there since 11am
I took all the medicine I had to so now I'm just very tired after a long day and my stomach is a little upset but I don't feel sick yet.

My Hair Is All Shaved Off 3 Days Before Chemo Starts.

Today I woke up and decided to cut my hair even shorter again. I started cutting loads of my hair off and my daughters came into the room they were ok because I said I was not upset and that it had to go anyway. I gave them both a scissors and told them they could cut it all off they had great fun getting to cut real hair. Then when all the hair was cut I shaved the rest off. The children said it was not as bad as they expected it to be and that it is still me just without hair. So when the Chemo starts there will only be little bits here and there because the rest is gone and it would be easier for me to shave it off rather then watch it fall out all over the place. I'm not going to say it was easy but I didn't really have a choice and if I had of got upset it would have upset the kids and I didn't want that to happen. I wore the wig out for the first time today. It felt a bit strange but I will get used to it eventually. I will miss my long lovely hair but getting better is more important.

Chemotherapy Can Bring On An Early Menopause.

Chemotherapy can bring on an early menopause another thing I didn't know till well after surgery. The doctor asked me if I wanted any more children and I said no and he said good because Chemotherapy can bring on an early menopause. I thought to myself great another thing to look forward to along with breast cancer and it's just as well I didn't want anymore children. Lots of people don't even know the menopause is connected to Chemotherapy. I agreed to take part in some studies for cancer If the studies can help other cancer patients like myself then why not help out. It is a few extra blood samples taken at the same time they are taken blood for checks so what's a few extra bottle samples when they are taken them anyway. One of the studies are to see if I will be likely to go through the menopause. I'm curious to see if I'm going to be going through the menopause along with the Chemotherapy. I'm making people aware of things that I didn't know and maybe I can help someone understand and have some knowledge of what could happen along with breast cancer.

Picture Of A Temporary And Permanent Prostheses.

I decided to post a picture of a temporary and permanent prostheses to show people what they look like. The pictures are at the end of the page, Just scroll down to the bottom of the page with the posts on it.

A Temporary Prostheses is what your given first after surgery it feels quite heavy and takes a bit of getting used to but after having a breast removed it makes you look and feel a bit more normal. It just slots into special side pockets in a special bra and stays there in place till you want to take it out. The back of the temporary prostheses has a little pocket where you put some filling in it to keep it in shape.

A Permanent prostheses is what your given 6 weeks after surgery it feels heavier then the temporary prostheses and looks more like a real breast. There is no pocket at the back and it feels very smooth and soft. It fits into the bra the same way as the temporary prostheses. I hope you find this information useful as I didn't even know what a prostheses was or looked like.

Writing For My Benefit And Yours :)

I am writing this breast cancer journey for the benefit of anyone who reads this along with myself. It is a way for me to cope with whats going on as things happen and it is also a way for me to let people see what it is like going through breast cancer. I decided it would be better to write as I actually go through things now rather then later and have to think back to what it was like back then. I have learned so much In the last couple of months and I want to share what I have learnt with others. I want people to be aware of what happens unlike me I didn't know anything. Breast cancer was the last thing I would have expected to happen I always thought it was most common in people over 50 and I thought to myself thats why the mammogram at age 50+. How wrong was I? I knew it was cancer when I found the lump even at the age of 38 and even before the specialist diagnosed me. So don't be like me and think your to young to get breast cancer because that is so not the case. Check yourself often and If you do find a lump or are unsure please go to the doctors straight away it could save your life.

Finally All Healed Up And Ready For Chemo.

I am finally all healed up 11 weeks today since I had my breast removed. The healing took a long time. I'm glad I'm healed so Chemo can start and I can get better and on the other hand I'm not looking forward to the Chemo at all because I'm terrified. The Chemo is starting next Wednesday and I have so many fears. Normally I'm a quick healer I don't why I took so long to heal this time. I took care of all the dressings and keeping it as clean as I could by myself and did a good job. At first the nurses were coming out and hitting of nerves like mad so I decided I was going to take care of the breast healing myself. I used the gloves had plenty of dressings and sterile cleaning solution thats all I needed and to change the dressing every 24 hours. As for under my arm the movement was so restricted I couldn't even brush my own hair and it annoyed me every time I tried to brush it because I couldn't. I had to do exercises 3 times a day and it was not easy but I did it and can now brush my own hair. I still cant raise my arm all the way above my head but I'm slowly getting there.

My Prostheses.

I had never even heard of a prostheses until I was diagnosed with breast cancer never mind what one looked like. It was the last thing on my mind after hearing I had breast cancer I just wanted the whole breast with the tumor on it removed I didn't care what I looked like after once the tumor was gone. after few days I got my temporary prostheses it looked crazy and felt mad but basically it is a false breast that sits in the bra so it looks like your breast is still there. I felt a bit better after getting it because I looked more normal with it on. It is very heavy to wear and was something else to cope with. 6 weeks after surgery I had to go back to get a permanent prostheses I was well curious as to what the difference would be between them both. It looks more like a real breast then the temporary prostheses and is a little heavier to with more of a real looking nipple on it. I felt much more comfortable with that one and it lasts for 2 years and is very easy to look after. My daughter's, sister's, aunty's and my mum were all curious about it so I showed them all what it looked like. My youngest daughter was fascinated at how they could make the prostheses look like a real breast and I guess it made her feel more comfortable that I looked normal with it on.

Please Help With Chemo Tips And Comments.

I would appreciate any help to do with Chemo and tips on how to get through it. My Chemo starts next Wednesday and I'm very nervous about it. I know it is going to be tough and it has to be done. I would love to hear how people coped with their Chemo and what helped them get through it. I don't want to be sick all the time and I'm looking for information that will help me. When I am finished mine I am going to give as much information as I can to people going through Chemo.

I know Chemo has different effects on everybody and everyone reacts different to it.
I'm trying to prepare myself for the Chemo by getting as much information as possible before it starts. I hope I'm lucky enough not to be effected to bad but only time will tell. So please help if you can your help is appreciated very much.
Catherine xxx

Wearing The Wig Trying To Get Used To It.

Today I wore the wig for about an hour trying to get used to it. It is the longest time I have had it on so far. I covered all my hair with tights and put the wig over it.
It feels very strange and takes some getting used to. I feel a bit better today about wearing the wig because I managed to get it the way I am going to wear it and I was able to tie it back of my face. I picked a long dark brown one so it would match my own hair and there would not be to much of a change in looks. My little daughter was not to happy about me losing my hair and she wanted her own hair cut so I cut her hair and now she says she doesn't mind my hair been gone and that I will still look beautiful to her. I asked her if she will still say that when I am bald and she said yes of course I will. The wig is beautiful and really made well and it feels so real you would never be able to tell it is a wig. I still feel weird wearing the wig but I guess it is just a matter of getting used to it and I'm sure I will as time goes by. It is not an easy thing to have to do but at least I'm still here and my hair will grow back.

Kevin I miss You Very Much You Belong With Me X

Kevin I miss you very much and it is so unfair that we have to be apart like this. Things have been very hard since you have left and we are both trying to cope in different parts of the world. The kids miss you as much as I do and I feel empty without you. You helped me cope a lot better having you by my side.
It was such a comfort to me to know you were on the way to me as I was having my breast removal operation and you gave me determination to get up and walk as soon as possible and heal as quick as I could so I could leave the hospital to be at home with you.

You took care of the house, children, and me very well I am so lucky to have you. My love for you is very strong and I know we are made for each other. We deserve the best wedding in the world after all we have been through and I'm living and fighting all the way. This long distance relationship has not been easy with everything thats going on and we have proven just how much of a strong bond that we have. Nothing stops us without a fight and we will get where we want to be in life.

Your the best partner I could have ever wished to find and I wish I had met you years ago my life would have been so much better.

I love you with all my heart Kevin xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Catherine xxxx

Breast Cancer Awareness Please Check Your Breasts It's Very Important.

This post is to raise breast cancer awareness. It is very important to check your breasts all the time and get to know the look and feel of them so you can notice any change at all in them. I never imagined I would get breast cancer at 38 years old.
You can get breast cancer at a young age as well. Some young People don't think about it till something happens at which point it could be to late. If you notice a change or lump go to the doctors straight away don't leave not going because of fear. Some people have said to me I don't know if I would be able to tell if I felt a lump or not so If your unsure or are worried about anything please don't leave it and go get checked out.
Cancer is an absolute horrible thing for anyone to have to go through and If I can get people to check themselves more often then it would be great. I cant stress enough how important it is to know your breasts. I'm in for a horrible year ahead and would not want anyone to have to go through the same thing. Men can get breast cancer to I know it is very rare but it does happen! so please please check your self often.
Catherine x

Twitter Has Been Great Support For Me. Thank You Everyone. xxx

Twitter has been a tremendous support for me. I have well over a thousand followers.
The support I have received from so many people on twitter is amazing. People I have never even met showing me so much support,Prayers, best wishes, encouragement, given me advice, answering questions that I have about Cancer has been so helpful to me. I am a quiet person in general and it has been great for me to be able to talk to people that have had Cancer in the past, have had someone affected by Cancer, have Cancer now, and know so much about Cancer. I have never learned so much about cancer in my life until the last couple of months when I joined Twitter and I am still learning new stuff all the time. At the moment I am going through a really tough time and when I'm upset I can vent away on Twitter. I read people's stories about Cancer all the time sometimes I have to admit it scares the hell out of me and I think to myself I really should not read so much but I keep reading to get as much information as possible. My heart brakes inside when I read about people passing away from Cancer. It is very sad. Twitter has also shown me that Cancer does not beat everyone and that there are so many survivors out there and it is great to know. So a special thank you to everyone on Twitter for all your support.
Catherine xxxx

Chemo Starts In 2 Weeks Time.

Today I went to the hospital to see if my wound had healed enough so I could start the Chemo treatment it still is not healed and I have to wait 2 more weeks to start Chemo.
I am not looking forward to it but know it has to start very soon to get better properly. I also had my permanent boob given to me today till the reconstruction takes place which is not till months after the Chemo finishes. So much to deal with over the last 2 months. I'm hoping my fiancée can come back to me just after the Chemo starts that would be a blessing for me and the children. I need to chop more off my hair as soon as possible before the next 3 weeks I don't think I could handle it falling out all around the place.

What Is My Purpose In Life?

I feel like I have a purpose in life I'm not sure what that is yet but I do feel like it is close like so close that it just needs to click with me. It's a strange feeling I have been having for quite some time now and I look for answers and little signs.
I think it is to help people in some way something different I'm just not sure what it is. Sometimes I wonder about the things that happen to me like if it is something to do with Cancer or Injuries or making people feel better in some small way. life keeps kicking me down and for some strange reason I keep fighting and get stronger. Maybe I'm here to give other people strength that are not so strong. I like to help people, I can see so many good things and talents in people and positive things I just cant see it with myself. So what is my purpose in life I'd love to know.

I'm Still Numb And Fed Up !!!!!!!!

I had the surgery weeks ago to remove my left breast. I am still so numb and fed up it was very very frustrating not been able to brush my hair and do little things like normal. I feel very weird and tight where the breast was removed. When I wear clothes on the top half of my body it feels so strange and numb and swollen. I have reconstruction to look forward to so that helps a little. My self esteem was very little before, now I have non what so ever. Having cancer has made me see things different from before. I am grateful for lots of things like a chance to live, fight this cancer, marry the man of my dreams, See the children grow up. One saying that sticks in my mind is "one door closes another one opens" I go over that saying in my head over and over again and I don't know why it sticks there. Maybe one day I'll know what it means.

Cutting My Lovely Long Hair :(

I have had long hair for as long as I can remember. I had to chop it short before the Chemo starts and it all starts to fall out. It was not easy for me to do after having long hair for so long. I took a scissors and cut my hair shoulder length and left enough to tie up out of my face. My daughter has a big issue with me chopping my hair so I cut it and tied it up and she didn't even notice till I told her and she said oh ok aw well. I have been trying to get used to the wig which is extremely hard to do.
It is a beautiful wig and the hair is very long but feels so strange when it is on.
It keeps slipping off because i still have my own hair so it's wrecking my head. I'm not sure if I can get used to it but will do my best. I'm going to be a long time without any hair but at least I'll have the chance to see it grow back.

Andrew What Can I Say?

This is for you Andrew. What can I say about you? Your one great cousin to have and you have supported us every inch of the way through all that we are going through. We cant thank you enough for all your help and support if there is a way to try and help God knows you find it. You know how important it is for me to have kevin here and just how happy Kevin makes me. Your determination is amazing and we both are very grateful for all your help. Maybe some doors will open for us after all.

You don't give up until you get results. You really have been a tremendous support to us both and have done so much to help in anyway that you can and once again thank you very very much.
love Catherine & Kevin xxx

My Visit From A Local T.D.

Yesterday I had a visit from a local T.D. She is helping me to get better and warmer housing and helping to get my fiancée back over to me.It would be the best news ever if permission is granted for kevin to be by my side again. I miss him so much and he is the best person I could wish for to be by my side. I feel like I can cope with just about anything when I am with Kevin. He is my total strength and keeps me strong when I am down. The day we can marry will be the best day ever. The love and support Kevin has given to me and the children has been amazing. So hopefully the T.D. can get somewhere for us it is great to have her on our side.

My New Wig !!!!! The Next Step !!!!

Yesterday I went to the hair dressers to get my new wig before the Chemo starts. I thought I'd be upset but it was not as bad as I expected it to be. I tried on 2 wigs the first one was awful and so not me and the second one was lovely so I went with that one. It is longer then my own hair and in much better shape to. I was quite surprised with how it looked. I must admit I feel a bit strange when it is on I guess it's just a matter of getting used to it. The next step for me is chopping all my own hair off which I will be doing very soon now.