My Off Day Today.

Today was a bad day for me I have been upset all day. I'm coping best I can with the cancer but trust me it is not one bit easy. I have to be strong around people and my children because I don't like people to see me upset.
Not everyday is bad I have some ok days to. The Chemo is starting soon and it is my worst fear about the whole cancer treatment I am learning as much as possible about Chemo so I know what to expect. Chemo effects people in different ways but nothing I have heard or read gives me anything to look forward to. I know it has to be done doesn't mean I'm ready for it though. Kevin is back in usa and I miss him like crazy and I am not sure how I am going to cope with the Chemo. As the time comes closer to Chemo starting I am worried about been sick all the time and all the side effects. People tell me I am strong but I am not I think it will all be a nightmare! I'm going to take it as it comes and hope I don't suffer to bad.

Thursday 27th May Heart Tests.

Today I went to the hospital to have a heart trace and a heart muscle test for the new breast cancer treatment I am receiving along with the Chemo. I spent hours over there They took blood then had to mix it with something then inject it back into me. The needle was bit sore other then that it was more of a time thing and having to lay still for ages. The heart trace was not long at all. I went to the hospital myself because Kevin could not go with me as he is back in USA now I missed having kevin beside me at the hospital. Kevin's support has been amazing for me and I miss him terrible he has stuck by me through thick and thin and he means the world to me.

Kevin Your Amazing And I Miss You Already !!!!!

Kevin your amazing you are still waiting on your flight back to U.S.A and I am heart broken already. You have done so much to help me and the kids I cant thank you enough.
Your a blessing from God sent to me and I will always love and adore you very much.
It is such a waste we have to be apart like this when we make the perfect couple when we are together. I do believe your my soul mate and I know you were made for me. I will wait forever to marry you if I have to I could not imagine having a more perfect match for me then you are :) I love you with all my heart safe trip home honey xxxxxxxxxx

23rd May Fiancée Goes Home.

Today we got up at 5am Kevin had to go back to the U.S.A. today. We spent 4 weeks together Kevin done so much he looked after me and the kids did washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, came to all the hospital appointments with me spent every second that he could with me and made me very very happy I would have been so lost without him. It was very sad having to leave him at the airport I was very upset. Life sucks without him! If anyone has bad luck it's me, that saying "luck of the Irish" does not apply to me. Seriously how can anyone be that unlucky in life!

Chemo starts in a few weeks and I don't know how I will get through any of it without Kevin by my side! he has been a blessing from god to me and I cant bare to be without him. After everything we have been through in just over 2 years in my opinion we deserve to be together more then anyone.

19th May 2010 Trip To Cancer Day Ward.

Today I went to the cancer day ward in the hospital my fiancée came with me. The doctor just had a look at the wound and said they cant start the treatment till the wound heals so I have to go back in 3 weeks time to see if treatment can start. They tried to take blood a few times on the third attempt they managed to get some. They organised for me to have a heart trace and and something to do with dye and a different heart test. Got some more special gel to make the wound heal quicker and it is working.
The blood tests can only be taken from the right arm because the left arm has to be protected I asked for how long and was told for a long time.

16-05-2010. Daughter's Communion.

Today my Daughter woke us up at 6am she was really excited about her communion. She looked like a little princess and was stunning. We went to the church then visited family then took her for dinner. She went shopping had a ball spending all her money and bought herself a bike and lots of bits and pieces. She had a great day. We took loads of pictures of her.

I was pretty tired after hours of shopping and slept for hours when we got home. I felt pretty good and didn't need to take any pain killers was just tired from the long day out. Everybody was staring at her telling her she looked like a princess the smile on her face all day was priceless.

Today was a very special day and even more special that my fiancée was able to be here for my daughters special day she was very very happy. What more could I ask for :)

Monday 26th April Coming Home.

This morning the doctor came to see me and I said I wanted to go home and that I would empty the drains myself and measure what was in them they wanted me to stay another day and doctors were appearing from all over the place but I just wanted to go home and get some good rest and be with my fiancée and children so they agreed to let me home. I was really pleased to be going home 3 days in the hospital felt like 3 weeks. I got home everyone was pleased I was out and I didn't or still don't have to do a thing. Kevin is taking great care of me and the kids he is doing an amazing job with everything and everyone. He has been such a blessing to me I don't know how I would have got through anything if he had not have been by my side all the way through this. He definitely has been my strength, medicine and support to get better. I'm really blessed and lucky to have kevin he means the world to me.

Sunday 25th April In Hospital.

Sunday morning bright and early Kevin came to see me and stayed with me most of the day which was cool the hospital food was awful and I was tired from been woke up by the nurses all hours of the night for checks, blood tests, pain killers. I was really uncomfortable in the bed and sore and stiff from sleeping and not been able to turn in my sleep my chest was still really really numb at that point I just wanted out I was thinking I would get more rest at home and no one would be waking me up all the time. I spent most of the Sunday out doors with my fiancée, kids and family.

I would just go back to the ward for medicine and leave again. When it was time for visitors to leave I would be all fed up and missing Kevin so would try and sleep so the next morning would come quicker. I did not like been in hospital one bit and I was on a mission to go home as soon as possible. Kevin had me spoiled I had so many hot chocolate drinks and chocolate croissants much better then the hospital food they were dishing out.

Saturday 24th April Fiancée Arrives :)

Today I woke up at 6am the nurses had been checking on me all night taking blood pressure and temperature so I was wrecked. I knew my fiancée had been travelling all night from U.S.A. and that I would be seeing him soon so I didn't go back to sleep. I had about 3 hours to wait before he arrived at the hospital he called me to say he was here from Dublin Airport I was so excited. I had it in my mind to try get better as soon as possible so I could have as much time as I could with Kevin. I sat up, stood up, walked a little felt a little unsteady. I started walking without anybody by my side I wanted to be able to do things by myself. Kevin phoned me saying he was downstairs in the hospital I could not get down to him quick enough I was so sore but nothing could stop me making it downstairs to see and be able to hold kevin again it was the best feeling ever having Kevin by my side he had been travelling all night and stayed with me the whole day and evening till it was time to go he had gone to the house for a little bit to cook for the kids and came straight back to me. The kids were delighted he was here and they could just stay at home with him. He gave me so much strength and reason to get better and made me want to leave hospital as soon as possible to be with him and the children.

23rd April The Breast Removal Operation.

Friday the 23rd April at 7.30am I had to go to the breast clinic fasting from 12 midnight the night before because there were no beds available . I was nervous as hell I checked into admissions then had to wait in the breast clinic till a bed was ready for me there were no beds and I was next on the list for my operation so I had to get ready in the breast clinic for surgery. I got into the gown then put on my slippers and dressing gown over it then walked up to the operating theater got on one of the trolleys was wheeled to where they put you to sleep had a needle in the hand next thing I woke up in recovery after 3 hours of surgery. When I woke up the nurse that was looking after me asked me if I was ok and if I had any pain I said I'm ok and have no pain she said I'm surprised most people come out after having that type of surgery screaming in pain. I was numb all over and she had me worried I was thinking am I going to be screaming in pain as the numbness wears off.

I went to the ward a little while after and got to change back into my own clothes and slept on and off for the rest of the day.