Keep Writing.

Look at me 4.22am in the morning I've been awake a while so what better to do when you can't sleep is write! Yesterday I read how a 32yr old had throat cancer and it spread to her chest and she died! I have a lump on my jaw it's not Hugh but big enough to notice and it's been there for a while worrying me I'm hoping it's an abscess or maybe something to do with the bone strengthener injection I get every six weeks. I need to mention it and see what's going on. I should have my three month scan coming up early next month so it's nearly that time to worry again till after I get results. It's very scary with all the waiting. this week I had chemo off and I always feel great on my week of chemo it's something to look forward to. I need to get my book up and running so much work to do there but I like to write and hopefully it'll take things off my mind. Kevin has been great looking after me he really wants me to write this book we both think we can help people going through cancer that have no clue of what's in store for them. I wear my bracelet and ring everyday that I got from Theresa Dillon and Robert Dillon I love them so much I never take them off. A few good things keep me going like Kevin loving me no matter what way I look actually been there for me when I'm upset which I try not to do so often. The help and love that I get from my kids caring for me making sure I'm ok. The visits that I look forward to so much even though time flys by when people are here and it's time to go again. So much love and support from cousins aunts and people I don't even know properly it's crazy. All the medical professional team that I never had first time getting breast cancer it's a lot to take in. Sarah Sullivan and Cameron are coming to see me for a few days and I'm so looking forward to that. Don't see them often enough and it'll be harder when the new baby comes along after Christmas. In one way I feel so lucky I mean my support network is amazing I just don't want to die I want to keep fighting and pushing through the pain no matter what. I'm strong in some ways and I don't want rougher treatment where all treatment would be through a drip and I'd lose my hair because I'd have no hope of getting it back as chemo is not going to stop unless it doesn't work anymore.

What Gets Me Through The Day?

So I'm asked how do I get through the day and it's a very good question for people to maybe understand how things really are. Partner, kids, family. Cousins. Aunt's and god. I try to get through the day without thinking to much about my cancer because when I do just sometimes I'm in floods of tears.I Feel like that I have to be strong around Margaret Stephen Sarah and visitors. Sometimes it makes me so upset that I can't talk about it then other times I'm fine with questions and feelings. Inside me the question is always there why me ? Then my answer is we all have to suffer in someway it's just how it works.Although I feel like I'm aching so much inside. Pain wise I take 90mg of oxyconton morning and night along with break through 30mg of oxynorm. I also have pain patches. It's a lot and sometimes I don't need to take all that other night's I do. I suffer bad with back pain slipped pelvis and cancer on top of that, my knees hurt so bad from cancer and sometimes my shoulders. On top of that is the asthma with I have a nebulizer for so I thank god for that. It is a lot of physical and emotional pain it's very hard to deal with. I have more bad days then good days but I can keep that hidden pretty well when I have to. I do so much enjoy the visits from everyone that want to come and see me but there is no pressure from me. I don't want to up the strong medicine as high as I can because what happens if I get worse? what options am I left with?

My Beautiful Fight like A Girl Bangle.

I want to thank Robert Dillon and Theresa Dillon so so much for the beautiful fight like a girl bangle it was a Hugh surprise I was like oh my god I love it so so much it's going on my wrist and staying there along with my fight like a girl ring. I'm so so grateful I really am thank you so so much I can't express my gratitude enough. Xxx

Support, Support, Support.

Like I don't know where to start everyone has been fantastic support for me. I'm like wowed the love and support from Kevin, kids. My family cousins. Aunt's and just so many people's blessings prayers gifts. I am very grateful for all the support it makes me want to fight more. I feel lucky and have never felt as much love in my life as I do with everyone behind me all the way. The visits I know it's a long drive here for family but I do very much appreciate them. when I look at myself I say like I don't deserve all this special treatment but on the other hand I'm extremely happy. Been doing a lot of reading and thinking lately that I am one lucky lady in one way and not so lucky cancer wise. It's a fight I'm never going to give up on. this time round its hard but having so much support is really helping me through my fight so thank you so so much. Xxx

A Nice Post From My Youngest Daughter and My Reply Back To Her.

love you so much mummy your so amazing and strong and the most funniest person ever lol you've been there for me and I'm just so lucky to have you as a mum and i love the way we have loads of laughs together i miss you loads when i go away and sadly tomorrow I'm ditching you again but i love you more than anyone i actually don't know where id be without you. Thank you daughter that means so much to me to hear you say such lovely things I love you Sarah and Stephen and Cameron with all my heart. Yes we do have some amazing laughs with each other. Love the thought that you can come to me when you have things on your mind and we can work through them. You do have a beautiful smile and I know you make me happy when your around. I love you xxx

Like It Or Not.

I get the impression that some people don't like me writing about my cancer journey but a lot more people do like me writing about it and I'll continue to write if you don't like what I write you can unfriend me. not only does writing make me feel better but it also shows other people a better idea of cancer and who better to tell it then a cancer patient. If you really want a long read since the first time I was diagnosed with breast cancer then you can go to Walshdiary.blogspot.ie hundreds of posts you can pick to read. so I took my chemo Saturday night at about ten pm woke up Sunday feeling fine again I'm happy not to be feeling the way I'd been feeling for months and for five days at a time I just hope the chemo is still working. Thank you for reading my cancer posts I'm just giving the facts that many people don't get to hear about or understand

I Fight Like A Girl Ring.

"I fight like a girl" those five little words mean so much to me because four years ago when I had the breast cancer for the first time my fight was very rough treatment was rough and my children were very upset I told them I would fight all the way and that I was not going anywhere. I spent most of the year sleeping and feeling very weak. On my blog there is a button that says click here for free mammograms and it donates a euro for mammograms. Then when your on that page you come to the pink ribbon shop which has loads of fight like a girl stuff in it. Ordered breast cancer pink ribbon earrings two silicone wrist bands one said I fight like a girl and the other one said I'm a survivor. I kept the fight like a girl band and gave Molly the I'm a survivor band there were loads of people in the kitchen and I could not get to Molly to kiss and hug her I looked at her and she looked at me it was like we both felt something strong like a bond without saying anything. I wore my pink fight like a girl for 4 years straight without taking it off once it reminded me of Molly and that how much I had to fight and stay alive I was gutted when it broke but now I have a beautiful fight like a girl ring that I will cherish because this time my fight is bigger then the last one with having breast and bone cancer to fight against and I won't give up when times are tough ill look at my ring and keep fighting not just for myself but for my children grandchildren Kevin and all my family (so so many family lol ) I'm so so happy with my ring so thank you again Theresa Dillon Robert Dillon and family. I'm a lucky girl with so many wonderful family members. (Meaning family cousins aunty's) another update done for a while x

Happy Birthday Kevin Johnson.

Kevin Johnson I want to wish you a very happy 38th birthday. I love you lots and will try make sure you have a good day tomorrow. Your very special to me with so much love to give to all the kids and I know you love me because there is so much taking care of me. Tomorrow I'll make your birthday nice hopefully you won't have to do anything tomorrow but relax. Happy birthday honey.!xxx

Writing.

OK so I have not been posting like I normally do. Sometimes I let things build up in my head for a while but I know exactly what I want to write about I write here. on my blog and on Twitter so I tell myself girl you need to keep up to date lol. So I have decided after so so long that I am going to write a book about cancer. Thanks everyone for spoiling me so much with gifts. visits. Prayer. Cards. Kind words in posts and so on I could go on forever but I'm trying to watch Emerdale ha ha. On a serious note love you all. Xxx