Sunday 29th August A Good Day.

Today I had a good day I was pretty tired but feeling good. I decided to cook Kevin and the kids a nice Sunday dinner so I cooked Bacon, Cabbage, potatoes and peas. Everyone enjoyed it. I was resting after dinner and talking to Kevin and an ad came on TV about a new perfume out called Lady Million by Paco Rabanne. Kevin and I both looked at each other and Kevin said I know what your next perfume is going to be. Kevin had the One Million for men already and it's the nicest cologne I had ever smelt. Kevin asked if I was up to going to town to get the Lady Million I was ready in 5 mins lol and we headed straight for the perfume shop and Kevin bought me a big bottle of Lady Million. It is the nicest perfume I have had yet and good perfume is something I like and always wear.
We picked up 2 strawberry milkshakes and headed back home and I was tired and my legs and feet have been really tired lately so Kevin gave me a nice foot massage. Talk about getting spoiled :) what a nice relaxing Sunday.

My Nails Are Changing Color Now.

Today I noticed my nails had changed color I had nail varnish on them and when I took the nail varnish off I noticed all my finger nails were like a brown color. None of them are sore yet or none of them have fallen off yet either. I'm keeping a close eye on them. I have been lucky so far I just hope it stays that way and none of them fall off. I was told my fingers could get sore to and I might not be able to do up buttons and things like that but I can do up buttons and I can still type and Tweet.
The nails feel a little dry and the brown color goes down to just above the cuticle on every nail on my hands. I'm not sure if it will go all the way down the nail guess I'll just have to wait and see how they change after each big Chemo session. The reason I'm writing about my nails is to let people see exactly what happens to me as I go through breast cancer and the treatments.

Friday 27th August. Heart Muscle Test.

Today kevin and I were at the hospital for 9am. I had to have a heart muscle test done to make sure my heart is doing ok while I'm on the Herceptin treatment because the Herceptin can cause heart failure so they need to keep a check on your heart every 3 months. This is what happens when you have the heart muscle test. They take some blood from you then mix it with the nuclear medicine then inject the medicine back into you then you have to lie on a sliding bed and the machine does the test. You have to stay really still for about 10 mins then it is all done then they done the test with my arm above my head for another 10 mins then it was finished. Nothing about it is painful except when the needle goes in for a second. I wont know the results till I go back to the hospital next Wednesday. Hopefully everything will be ok then I wont have to have another one for 3 months. I have to keep the kids away from me till tomorrow because of Nuclear Medicine I also have to stay away from small children and pregnant women. It's been a job trying to keep the kids out of the room that I'm in but it's something that has to be done for their safety. So they will be pleased when 10am tomorrow morning comes and they don't have to stay away from me.

Wednesday 25 of August Herceptin Only.

Today Kevin and I got to the hospital for 8am I was called at 8.30am and the Herceptin was finished by 9am. We played cards for a bit then left the hospital and went to town and had a nice breakfast together and a luscious cream cake after the cream was amazing. We had a busy day today getting things ready for the kids for school. Kevin spoiled me today he bought me a nice McKenzie bag to match my jacket. We had some good quality time today which was really nice it made me feel much better. We walked around a lot today so was pretty tired when we got home. My platelets were still low today but were better then last week they like them to be at 100 and they were up to 82 today so by next week they should be back up to 100 then I can have the big Chemo session.
I'm feeling great just really really tired all the time. Today was my first time out in about a week so it was nice to get out and get some fresh air.
I have to have the heart muscle test done on Friday to make sure my heart is doing ok from the Herceptin treatment.

Wednesday 18th August Herceptin Only.

Today I got up very early Kevin and I went to the hospital we were there for 8 am by 8.30am I was called to have the Herceptin. It took half an hour to finish.
We left the hospital at 9am so the rest of the day was free nice and early. I felt pretty good and didn't feel sick. The hospital rang to say the platelets were low again and the blood count was low as well so just to be careful and watch out for a temperature, feeling ill or unexplained bruising. I have not had any temperatures or bruising throughout the Chemo so far. Kevin and I had a bit of a laugh at the hospital like we do every week and played some cards for the half an hour. Kevin is great medicine for me he makes me laugh so much and is the best company ever for me. He is there for me 100% and I'd be so lost without him by my side. He has helped me cope much better then I have been when he was away. If i'm awake at all hours of the morning he is awake with me making sure i'm ok. If I need anything he is there making sure I get it. If i'm upset or need to talk he is there to talk to me. He is very special to me.

How The Children Are Coping Now With The Breast Cancer And Treatment.

I think the children are coping pretty well now. They have kevin for support and he has been great for them they can go to him with anything thats on their minds. My mum and sisters tell them if they ever need to talk that they are there to for them. The 2 younger ones are doing great and the oldest daughter still worries whether I'm going to beat the breast cancer or not. I know thats hard and it's in a lot of peoples minds right now. I feel like they are missing out on so much with me having breast cancer and been so sick and tired. The two younger ones just don't understand how sick I really am. I want to be able to do a lot more things for them and want nothing more then for them to be happy and stress free. This summer has been boring for them they have had their days out here and there but wish I could do so much more for them and wish I had not have been diagnosed with cancer. They are my life and I want nothing more then for them to grow up happy and successful. The youngest daughter deals with me having not much hair much better now it doesn't phase her in the slightest now which is a good thing now because I think that was her biggest issue but letting her cut my hair was a great idea and let her deal with it much better plus she had fun playing hairdresser. she has put on the wig and had a laugh and even felt the fake boob when its been in the box and asked to see the wound where the breast was removed. she really surprised me with all her curiosity and questions so I told her everything she wanted to know and let her see what she wanted to see.
I think been honest with them from the start has done wonders for them all even though it was hard. They are all good kids and don't deserve to be without a mum.

Cancer Effects The Family Just As Much As The Cancer Patient.

Since learning that I have breast cancer in April 2010 I have found out that it is just as hard on the family as it is on me. I will start with Kevin my Fiancée in USA. The night I found the lump and my Fiancée was out to dinner with his mum in USA he came home as soon as he could and we both cried for hours he told me I needed to go doctors straight away the next day and get it seen to and that it was important. I was devastated and could not stop crying and what was worse was Kevin was half way around the world from me and could not get to me. When I got diagnosed I cried and cried and cried and kicked a coke bottle around in anger took some time to get myself together to sink the information in that I had breast cancer before I told anyone else. The next people to know after Kevin where my mum and sisters and brothers everyone cried so much including me. Everyone was hugging me and were very upset it was so hard to watch people like that cry it made me even more upset. Then the children were told their little hearts were broke and they cried their hearts out kept hugging me even though I don't think they fully understood what was going on. I was choking back the tears as I watch them cry like I'd never seen before I was speechless and just kept telling them I loved them and was not going to die. I am honest with everything to them and tell them all the time exactly whats happening and when it happens. Kevin tries to be so strong for me and tries not to show when he is upset but I know it is just as hard for him and the children as it is for me and I tell them its ok to be upset and to talk to me about it or if they have any questions it's ok to come to me.
I don't expect everyone to be brave I know the thought of me dying is in everyones mind and thats the worst fear loved ones can have. I hate to see people cry It brakes my heart and I want them to know that I'm a fighter and don't give up I have so much to live for and I want to see my children grow up to adults and marry Kevin. It's taken me years and years to finally be happy and have the man of my dreams and I'm not ready to leave him or my children. I never imagined breast cancer happening to me like that so quick and at my age nobody did. kevin felt so helpless been so far away and all he wanted was to be by my side and the children's sides as soon as possible.
And it was very hard for him to deal with we would be on video chat and he would have to keep getting up and going to the bathroom where he would cry his heart out where I could not see him. I could hear him crying and that tore me apart I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be ok and be there for him to. When my mum found out she was in her wheelchair hugging me with tears streaming down her cheeks wishing she was the one that had breast cancer and not me that was also very hard to have to watch. So if anyone understands just how hard it is for loved one to deal with cancer it's definitely me. Another sister of mine which is 2 years younger then I am lived very close to me for most of our lives all the way up and it was very upsetting for her to and again very upsetting to have to watch everyone trying to deal with the fact that I have breast cancer.

How I'm finding the Chemotherapy.

The Chemo is very hard to do and cope with there are so many changes since I started the treatment. It makes me very exhausted and I feel like I have no strength what so ever except when I take the steroids for the 3 days which are the day before Chemo, The day of Chemo, and the day after Chemo. When the steroids wear off I feel very weak and tired. Something as simple as going to the shop or standing for long periods of time makes me want to drop. Lately I have been feeling sick a lot and i'm getting hot flushes and feeling very hot for short periods of time and especially at night I'm not sure if it's the menopause or not or side effects from the treatment. I'm still very numb from where I had the nodes removed from under my left arm and it's been nearly 4 months since the surgery. It takes a long time to get over surgery after having a breast removed. There are so many emotions to go through with breast cancer and so much to try cope with. In general I think I cope pretty well but like I say there are always the down days which are natural. I find talking to kevin helps me a lot and writing helps me cope better as well. I like to write about how I'm felling whether it's good or bad it helps clear my mind and also gives people an idea of what having breast cancer could be like. Everyone deals with Cancer different ways and it effects people in different ways some people are stronger then others and some are weaker then others I think it depends on the person themselves. Does having Cancer make you a stronger person? I think it does in the long run you look at life differently and it certainly changes your life in a big way it's not just the person the cancer effects but it effects the whole family to along with all the treatment.The doctor told me I would be in for a long hard year and boy was he telling the truth I never imagined what could be in store for me even with all the books and information I got. Doctors were giving me books of information left right and center I took my time and read them all so I could keep some information in and would go back to the books if something came up that I was not sure about. There is so much to learn about breast cancer, treatments, emotions, side effects I'm learning as I go through all of of this and wish to share my breast cancer journey with you all. I hope you find somethings useful and never forget to check yourselves regularly and never be afraid to go to the doctors remember the sooner the better.

My Sister Cut All Her Long Hair Off In Support Of Me.

My oldest Sister is one year older then me. When she found out I had cancer and that I was going to lose all my hair she said she was going to chop all her lovely long hair short in support of me. I told her that was really nice and went to my heart but she didn't have to do that and she said she wanted to. I didn't think she would but she did and whats even more mad is she chopped all her hair short by herself. She called me on the phone and said I did it I chopped my hair all short and I chopped it myself. I was shocked and called her mad lol not for cutting her hair but for cutting it herself. it was very nice of her to do that for me and it's something I will never forget as long as I live. It i so nice to have lots of support behind me from Kevin, the children, family, friends on twitter. I have been blessed with all the support I am lucky to have so many people supporting me and I'm very thankful to everyone for it. Breast cancer for me is the hardest thing ever to deal with but I try my best to keep it together sometimes it doesn't work and it does get me down but I don't be down for long sometimes just a couple of days at a time.

Kevin Is Wonderful Support For Me And The Children.

Kevin has been amazing support for myself and the children. He takes very good care of all of us. Does the washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and anything that needs to be done. The kids love him to bits and can see how much he loves and cares for them and me and that makes them happy. When I am down he does his best to try cheer me up and always checks to make sure everyone is ok. He doesn't leave my side and everywhere I go I have kevin beside me for support which is really nice. I am really blessed to be able to have kevin here with me and the children. He says he cant cook lol he is a great cook and makes all different nice kinds of healthy dinners. Kevin is very good for me and has made such a Hugh difference to my life and I couldn't wish for a nicer Fiancée.
Kevin is very good with the kids and loves them all like they are his own which is very nice to see. he shows interest in everything that goes on and takes care of things that needs to be taken care of. I cant wait to Marry kevin I will be the happiest woman alive when that day finally comes.

Kevin Has Been Wonderful Support

Wednesday 11th August Big Chemo Session.

Today I fell asleep at 4.30 am and got up at 7.30 am. 3 hours sleep and had to get up to go to the hospital for the big Chemo session. Myself and Kevin arrived at the hospital for 8.10 am had the bloods done then waited to see the doctor the platelets were up thank god to 151 and I could have my Chemo in the afternoon. We went home and went back again for 2pm so I could have the Chemo. I had the Herceptin first then the Taxotere and the Carboplatin last it took 2 and a half hours for the treatment to be finished. I sat in a recliner chair with a pillow under my arm while the Chemo was given to me by a drip in my right arm. I felt ok it just seemed to be ages and I could not wait for it to be finished. Kevin stayed with me the whole time and we played cards to make the time pass quicker and had a laugh. After we got home Kevin told me to rest while he cooked me a nice healthy dinner and did some washing. I still felt wide awake for hours after getting home but could not sleep till very late because of the steroids.I was happy the Chemo was not cancelled again this week and even happier I didn't have to see the my doctor I got to see a different doctor this week it was another doctor on my doctors team so that was cool to.

Wednesday 4th August 3rd Chemo Big Session Cancelled Till Next Week. :(

Today was supposed to be my third big Chemo session I took 8 steroids yesterday and got absolutely no sleep last night. Kevin and I went to the hospital at 8.30am this morning waited hours to see the doctor then to be told my platelets were to low they were 88 and should have been 100 so that really made me fed up so I could only have the Herceptin today and not the Carboplatin or the Taxotere. I have to go back to the hospital on Friday to have more blood tests to see if the platelets go back up for the big Chemo session next Wednesday instead which also means Kevin wont be able to be with me for my last Chemo session. Have to have my kidneys checked as well. I managed to get 3 hours sleep earlier today and have to stop taken all the medication till next week again which means taken the steroids next week again and get no sleep for 3 days. I asked the doctor if the steroids could be taken all at the same time and she said no that I had to leave 4 hours between each dose. So I'm not to happy today still have 4 Big Chemo sessions to get through and none of them are easy I wanted them over as soon as possible. My asthma is really playing up at the moment and my chest is very wheezy and i'm still trying to fight the cold off. So doctors in the morning for me to try and get help to get better before next Wednesday.