Since learning that I have breast cancer in April 2010 I have found out that it is just as hard on the family as it is on me. I will start with Kevin my Fiancée in USA. The night I found the lump and my Fiancée was out to dinner with his mum in USA he came home as soon as he could and we both cried for hours he told me I needed to go doctors straight away the next day and get it seen to and that it was important. I was devastated and could not stop crying and what was worse was Kevin was half way around the world from me and could not get to me. When I got diagnosed I cried and cried and cried and kicked a coke bottle around in anger took some time to get myself together to sink the information in that I had breast cancer before I told anyone else. The next people to know after Kevin where my mum and sisters and brothers everyone cried so much including me. Everyone was hugging me and were very upset it was so hard to watch people like that cry it made me even more upset. Then the children were told their little hearts were broke and they cried their hearts out kept hugging me even though I don't think they fully understood what was going on. I was choking back the tears as I watch them cry like I'd never seen before I was speechless and just kept telling them I loved them and was not going to die. I am honest with everything to them and tell them all the time exactly whats happening and when it happens. Kevin tries to be so strong for me and tries not to show when he is upset but I know it is just as hard for him and the children as it is for me and I tell them its ok to be upset and to talk to me about it or if they have any questions it's ok to come to me.
I don't expect everyone to be brave I know the thought of me dying is in everyones mind and thats the worst fear loved ones can have. I hate to see people cry It brakes my heart and I want them to know that I'm a fighter and don't give up I have so much to live for and I want to see my children grow up to adults and marry Kevin. It's taken me years and years to finally be happy and have the man of my dreams and I'm not ready to leave him or my children. I never imagined breast cancer happening to me like that so quick and at my age nobody did. kevin felt so helpless been so far away and all he wanted was to be by my side and the children's sides as soon as possible.
And it was very hard for him to deal with we would be on video chat and he would have to keep getting up and going to the bathroom where he would cry his heart out where I could not see him. I could hear him crying and that tore me apart I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be ok and be there for him to. When my mum found out she was in her wheelchair hugging me with tears streaming down her cheeks wishing she was the one that had breast cancer and not me that was also very hard to have to watch. So if anyone understands just how hard it is for loved one to deal with cancer it's definitely me. Another sister of mine which is 2 years younger then I am lived very close to me for most of our lives all the way up and it was very upsetting for her to and again very upsetting to have to watch everyone trying to deal with the fact that I have breast cancer.
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