Have A Read.

Good morning 3am for me. So I nearly got through yesterday without crying except it was late and none of the kids were around. I thought I was doing well but every time I think about cancer I can't help but well up. Everything I watch nearly has a cancer story line to it. There are days when I'm in pain and just begging God for a cure. I mean why me again and this time with no cure. I'm not doing chemotherapy today I'm not up to it with my chest and been on steroids they wouldn't treat me anyway I guess this way I'm getting a bit of a brake to. Have not been doing good since my last visit to the hospital seems like every time I have my week off I have health problems. Kevin says I'm strong and can deal with things good but me on the other hand think I'm falling to pieces. I'm feeling like a very old lady who can't get around much or go very much or go very far. I'm trying to get better so I can go see Sarah Sullivan's baby when ever he decides to arrive. Just got Netflix hundreds of movies to try take my mind off cancer but it's something I can never get away from. If I need anything or want anything Kevin sorts me out makes sure I take my medicine and nebulizer if I am upset he is there for me. I can't help but think when the end of the road is for me and it's very scary considering I have had a few brushes with death already. Writing this since three am and good thing is my side is not hurting it's been giving me hassle for days now. I'm going out with Kevin and the kids for a bit today and that should cheer me up a bit. I don't want to be sick it's not what I signed up for I want to be able to live a normal life go places and enjoy it not having to worry about my life every three months. Anyway thank you for all the love and support I'm hoping for a good day today. I also hope everyone else has a good day. X x x