Cancer Effects The Family Just As Much As The Cancer Patient.

Since learning that I have breast cancer in April 2010 I have found out that it is just as hard on the family as it is on me. I will start with Kevin my Fiancée in USA. The night I found the lump and my Fiancée was out to dinner with his mum in USA he came home as soon as he could and we both cried for hours he told me I needed to go doctors straight away the next day and get it seen to and that it was important. I was devastated and could not stop crying and what was worse was Kevin was half way around the world from me and could not get to me. When I got diagnosed I cried and cried and cried and kicked a coke bottle around in anger took some time to get myself together to sink the information in that I had breast cancer before I told anyone else. The next people to know after Kevin where my mum and sisters and brothers everyone cried so much including me. Everyone was hugging me and were very upset it was so hard to watch people like that cry it made me even more upset. Then the children were told their little hearts were broke and they cried their hearts out kept hugging me even though I don't think they fully understood what was going on. I was choking back the tears as I watch them cry like I'd never seen before I was speechless and just kept telling them I loved them and was not going to die. I am honest with everything to them and tell them all the time exactly whats happening and when it happens. Kevin tries to be so strong for me and tries not to show when he is upset but I know it is just as hard for him and the children as it is for me and I tell them its ok to be upset and to talk to me about it or if they have any questions it's ok to come to me.
I don't expect everyone to be brave I know the thought of me dying is in everyones mind and thats the worst fear loved ones can have. I hate to see people cry It brakes my heart and I want them to know that I'm a fighter and don't give up I have so much to live for and I want to see my children grow up to adults and marry Kevin. It's taken me years and years to finally be happy and have the man of my dreams and I'm not ready to leave him or my children. I never imagined breast cancer happening to me like that so quick and at my age nobody did. kevin felt so helpless been so far away and all he wanted was to be by my side and the children's sides as soon as possible.
And it was very hard for him to deal with we would be on video chat and he would have to keep getting up and going to the bathroom where he would cry his heart out where I could not see him. I could hear him crying and that tore me apart I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be ok and be there for him to. When my mum found out she was in her wheelchair hugging me with tears streaming down her cheeks wishing she was the one that had breast cancer and not me that was also very hard to have to watch. So if anyone understands just how hard it is for loved one to deal with cancer it's definitely me. Another sister of mine which is 2 years younger then I am lived very close to me for most of our lives all the way up and it was very upsetting for her to and again very upsetting to have to watch everyone trying to deal with the fact that I have breast cancer.

How I'm finding the Chemotherapy.

The Chemo is very hard to do and cope with there are so many changes since I started the treatment. It makes me very exhausted and I feel like I have no strength what so ever except when I take the steroids for the 3 days which are the day before Chemo, The day of Chemo, and the day after Chemo. When the steroids wear off I feel very weak and tired. Something as simple as going to the shop or standing for long periods of time makes me want to drop. Lately I have been feeling sick a lot and i'm getting hot flushes and feeling very hot for short periods of time and especially at night I'm not sure if it's the menopause or not or side effects from the treatment. I'm still very numb from where I had the nodes removed from under my left arm and it's been nearly 4 months since the surgery. It takes a long time to get over surgery after having a breast removed. There are so many emotions to go through with breast cancer and so much to try cope with. In general I think I cope pretty well but like I say there are always the down days which are natural. I find talking to kevin helps me a lot and writing helps me cope better as well. I like to write about how I'm felling whether it's good or bad it helps clear my mind and also gives people an idea of what having breast cancer could be like. Everyone deals with Cancer different ways and it effects people in different ways some people are stronger then others and some are weaker then others I think it depends on the person themselves. Does having Cancer make you a stronger person? I think it does in the long run you look at life differently and it certainly changes your life in a big way it's not just the person the cancer effects but it effects the whole family to along with all the treatment.The doctor told me I would be in for a long hard year and boy was he telling the truth I never imagined what could be in store for me even with all the books and information I got. Doctors were giving me books of information left right and center I took my time and read them all so I could keep some information in and would go back to the books if something came up that I was not sure about. There is so much to learn about breast cancer, treatments, emotions, side effects I'm learning as I go through all of of this and wish to share my breast cancer journey with you all. I hope you find somethings useful and never forget to check yourselves regularly and never be afraid to go to the doctors remember the sooner the better.

My Sister Cut All Her Long Hair Off In Support Of Me.

My oldest Sister is one year older then me. When she found out I had cancer and that I was going to lose all my hair she said she was going to chop all her lovely long hair short in support of me. I told her that was really nice and went to my heart but she didn't have to do that and she said she wanted to. I didn't think she would but she did and whats even more mad is she chopped all her hair short by herself. She called me on the phone and said I did it I chopped my hair all short and I chopped it myself. I was shocked and called her mad lol not for cutting her hair but for cutting it herself. it was very nice of her to do that for me and it's something I will never forget as long as I live. It i so nice to have lots of support behind me from Kevin, the children, family, friends on twitter. I have been blessed with all the support I am lucky to have so many people supporting me and I'm very thankful to everyone for it. Breast cancer for me is the hardest thing ever to deal with but I try my best to keep it together sometimes it doesn't work and it does get me down but I don't be down for long sometimes just a couple of days at a time.

Kevin Is Wonderful Support For Me And The Children.

Kevin has been amazing support for myself and the children. He takes very good care of all of us. Does the washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and anything that needs to be done. The kids love him to bits and can see how much he loves and cares for them and me and that makes them happy. When I am down he does his best to try cheer me up and always checks to make sure everyone is ok. He doesn't leave my side and everywhere I go I have kevin beside me for support which is really nice. I am really blessed to be able to have kevin here with me and the children. He says he cant cook lol he is a great cook and makes all different nice kinds of healthy dinners. Kevin is very good for me and has made such a Hugh difference to my life and I couldn't wish for a nicer Fiancée.
Kevin is very good with the kids and loves them all like they are his own which is very nice to see. he shows interest in everything that goes on and takes care of things that needs to be taken care of. I cant wait to Marry kevin I will be the happiest woman alive when that day finally comes.

Kevin Has Been Wonderful Support

Wednesday 11th August Big Chemo Session.

Today I fell asleep at 4.30 am and got up at 7.30 am. 3 hours sleep and had to get up to go to the hospital for the big Chemo session. Myself and Kevin arrived at the hospital for 8.10 am had the bloods done then waited to see the doctor the platelets were up thank god to 151 and I could have my Chemo in the afternoon. We went home and went back again for 2pm so I could have the Chemo. I had the Herceptin first then the Taxotere and the Carboplatin last it took 2 and a half hours for the treatment to be finished. I sat in a recliner chair with a pillow under my arm while the Chemo was given to me by a drip in my right arm. I felt ok it just seemed to be ages and I could not wait for it to be finished. Kevin stayed with me the whole time and we played cards to make the time pass quicker and had a laugh. After we got home Kevin told me to rest while he cooked me a nice healthy dinner and did some washing. I still felt wide awake for hours after getting home but could not sleep till very late because of the steroids.I was happy the Chemo was not cancelled again this week and even happier I didn't have to see the my doctor I got to see a different doctor this week it was another doctor on my doctors team so that was cool to.

Wednesday 4th August 3rd Chemo Big Session Cancelled Till Next Week. :(

Today was supposed to be my third big Chemo session I took 8 steroids yesterday and got absolutely no sleep last night. Kevin and I went to the hospital at 8.30am this morning waited hours to see the doctor then to be told my platelets were to low they were 88 and should have been 100 so that really made me fed up so I could only have the Herceptin today and not the Carboplatin or the Taxotere. I have to go back to the hospital on Friday to have more blood tests to see if the platelets go back up for the big Chemo session next Wednesday instead which also means Kevin wont be able to be with me for my last Chemo session. Have to have my kidneys checked as well. I managed to get 3 hours sleep earlier today and have to stop taken all the medication till next week again which means taken the steroids next week again and get no sleep for 3 days. I asked the doctor if the steroids could be taken all at the same time and she said no that I had to leave 4 hours between each dose. So I'm not to happy today still have 4 Big Chemo sessions to get through and none of them are easy I wanted them over as soon as possible. My asthma is really playing up at the moment and my chest is very wheezy and i'm still trying to fight the cold off. So doctors in the morning for me to try and get help to get better before next Wednesday.