Sunday 29th August A Good Day.

Today I had a good day I was pretty tired but feeling good. I decided to cook Kevin and the kids a nice Sunday dinner so I cooked Bacon, Cabbage, potatoes and peas. Everyone enjoyed it. I was resting after dinner and talking to Kevin and an ad came on TV about a new perfume out called Lady Million by Paco Rabanne. Kevin and I both looked at each other and Kevin said I know what your next perfume is going to be. Kevin had the One Million for men already and it's the nicest cologne I had ever smelt. Kevin asked if I was up to going to town to get the Lady Million I was ready in 5 mins lol and we headed straight for the perfume shop and Kevin bought me a big bottle of Lady Million. It is the nicest perfume I have had yet and good perfume is something I like and always wear.
We picked up 2 strawberry milkshakes and headed back home and I was tired and my legs and feet have been really tired lately so Kevin gave me a nice foot massage. Talk about getting spoiled :) what a nice relaxing Sunday.

My Nails Are Changing Color Now.

Today I noticed my nails had changed color I had nail varnish on them and when I took the nail varnish off I noticed all my finger nails were like a brown color. None of them are sore yet or none of them have fallen off yet either. I'm keeping a close eye on them. I have been lucky so far I just hope it stays that way and none of them fall off. I was told my fingers could get sore to and I might not be able to do up buttons and things like that but I can do up buttons and I can still type and Tweet.
The nails feel a little dry and the brown color goes down to just above the cuticle on every nail on my hands. I'm not sure if it will go all the way down the nail guess I'll just have to wait and see how they change after each big Chemo session. The reason I'm writing about my nails is to let people see exactly what happens to me as I go through breast cancer and the treatments.

Friday 27th August. Heart Muscle Test.

Today kevin and I were at the hospital for 9am. I had to have a heart muscle test done to make sure my heart is doing ok while I'm on the Herceptin treatment because the Herceptin can cause heart failure so they need to keep a check on your heart every 3 months. This is what happens when you have the heart muscle test. They take some blood from you then mix it with the nuclear medicine then inject the medicine back into you then you have to lie on a sliding bed and the machine does the test. You have to stay really still for about 10 mins then it is all done then they done the test with my arm above my head for another 10 mins then it was finished. Nothing about it is painful except when the needle goes in for a second. I wont know the results till I go back to the hospital next Wednesday. Hopefully everything will be ok then I wont have to have another one for 3 months. I have to keep the kids away from me till tomorrow because of Nuclear Medicine I also have to stay away from small children and pregnant women. It's been a job trying to keep the kids out of the room that I'm in but it's something that has to be done for their safety. So they will be pleased when 10am tomorrow morning comes and they don't have to stay away from me.

Wednesday 25 of August Herceptin Only.

Today Kevin and I got to the hospital for 8am I was called at 8.30am and the Herceptin was finished by 9am. We played cards for a bit then left the hospital and went to town and had a nice breakfast together and a luscious cream cake after the cream was amazing. We had a busy day today getting things ready for the kids for school. Kevin spoiled me today he bought me a nice McKenzie bag to match my jacket. We had some good quality time today which was really nice it made me feel much better. We walked around a lot today so was pretty tired when we got home. My platelets were still low today but were better then last week they like them to be at 100 and they were up to 82 today so by next week they should be back up to 100 then I can have the big Chemo session.
I'm feeling great just really really tired all the time. Today was my first time out in about a week so it was nice to get out and get some fresh air.
I have to have the heart muscle test done on Friday to make sure my heart is doing ok from the Herceptin treatment.

Wednesday 18th August Herceptin Only.

Today I got up very early Kevin and I went to the hospital we were there for 8 am by 8.30am I was called to have the Herceptin. It took half an hour to finish.
We left the hospital at 9am so the rest of the day was free nice and early. I felt pretty good and didn't feel sick. The hospital rang to say the platelets were low again and the blood count was low as well so just to be careful and watch out for a temperature, feeling ill or unexplained bruising. I have not had any temperatures or bruising throughout the Chemo so far. Kevin and I had a bit of a laugh at the hospital like we do every week and played some cards for the half an hour. Kevin is great medicine for me he makes me laugh so much and is the best company ever for me. He is there for me 100% and I'd be so lost without him by my side. He has helped me cope much better then I have been when he was away. If i'm awake at all hours of the morning he is awake with me making sure i'm ok. If I need anything he is there making sure I get it. If i'm upset or need to talk he is there to talk to me. He is very special to me.

How The Children Are Coping Now With The Breast Cancer And Treatment.

I think the children are coping pretty well now. They have kevin for support and he has been great for them they can go to him with anything thats on their minds. My mum and sisters tell them if they ever need to talk that they are there to for them. The 2 younger ones are doing great and the oldest daughter still worries whether I'm going to beat the breast cancer or not. I know thats hard and it's in a lot of peoples minds right now. I feel like they are missing out on so much with me having breast cancer and been so sick and tired. The two younger ones just don't understand how sick I really am. I want to be able to do a lot more things for them and want nothing more then for them to be happy and stress free. This summer has been boring for them they have had their days out here and there but wish I could do so much more for them and wish I had not have been diagnosed with cancer. They are my life and I want nothing more then for them to grow up happy and successful. The youngest daughter deals with me having not much hair much better now it doesn't phase her in the slightest now which is a good thing now because I think that was her biggest issue but letting her cut my hair was a great idea and let her deal with it much better plus she had fun playing hairdresser. she has put on the wig and had a laugh and even felt the fake boob when its been in the box and asked to see the wound where the breast was removed. she really surprised me with all her curiosity and questions so I told her everything she wanted to know and let her see what she wanted to see.
I think been honest with them from the start has done wonders for them all even though it was hard. They are all good kids and don't deserve to be without a mum.

Cancer Effects The Family Just As Much As The Cancer Patient.

Since learning that I have breast cancer in April 2010 I have found out that it is just as hard on the family as it is on me. I will start with Kevin my Fiancée in USA. The night I found the lump and my Fiancée was out to dinner with his mum in USA he came home as soon as he could and we both cried for hours he told me I needed to go doctors straight away the next day and get it seen to and that it was important. I was devastated and could not stop crying and what was worse was Kevin was half way around the world from me and could not get to me. When I got diagnosed I cried and cried and cried and kicked a coke bottle around in anger took some time to get myself together to sink the information in that I had breast cancer before I told anyone else. The next people to know after Kevin where my mum and sisters and brothers everyone cried so much including me. Everyone was hugging me and were very upset it was so hard to watch people like that cry it made me even more upset. Then the children were told their little hearts were broke and they cried their hearts out kept hugging me even though I don't think they fully understood what was going on. I was choking back the tears as I watch them cry like I'd never seen before I was speechless and just kept telling them I loved them and was not going to die. I am honest with everything to them and tell them all the time exactly whats happening and when it happens. Kevin tries to be so strong for me and tries not to show when he is upset but I know it is just as hard for him and the children as it is for me and I tell them its ok to be upset and to talk to me about it or if they have any questions it's ok to come to me.
I don't expect everyone to be brave I know the thought of me dying is in everyones mind and thats the worst fear loved ones can have. I hate to see people cry It brakes my heart and I want them to know that I'm a fighter and don't give up I have so much to live for and I want to see my children grow up to adults and marry Kevin. It's taken me years and years to finally be happy and have the man of my dreams and I'm not ready to leave him or my children. I never imagined breast cancer happening to me like that so quick and at my age nobody did. kevin felt so helpless been so far away and all he wanted was to be by my side and the children's sides as soon as possible.
And it was very hard for him to deal with we would be on video chat and he would have to keep getting up and going to the bathroom where he would cry his heart out where I could not see him. I could hear him crying and that tore me apart I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be ok and be there for him to. When my mum found out she was in her wheelchair hugging me with tears streaming down her cheeks wishing she was the one that had breast cancer and not me that was also very hard to have to watch. So if anyone understands just how hard it is for loved one to deal with cancer it's definitely me. Another sister of mine which is 2 years younger then I am lived very close to me for most of our lives all the way up and it was very upsetting for her to and again very upsetting to have to watch everyone trying to deal with the fact that I have breast cancer.