Keep Writing.

Look at me 4.22am in the morning I've been awake a while so what better to do when you can't sleep is write! Yesterday I read how a 32yr old had throat cancer and it spread to her chest and she died! I have a lump on my jaw it's not Hugh but big enough to notice and it's been there for a while worrying me I'm hoping it's an abscess or maybe something to do with the bone strengthener injection I get every six weeks. I need to mention it and see what's going on. I should have my three month scan coming up early next month so it's nearly that time to worry again till after I get results. It's very scary with all the waiting. this week I had chemo off and I always feel great on my week of chemo it's something to look forward to. I need to get my book up and running so much work to do there but I like to write and hopefully it'll take things off my mind. Kevin has been great looking after me he really wants me to write this book we both think we can help people going through cancer that have no clue of what's in store for them. I wear my bracelet and ring everyday that I got from Theresa Dillon and Robert Dillon I love them so much I never take them off. A few good things keep me going like Kevin loving me no matter what way I look actually been there for me when I'm upset which I try not to do so often. The help and love that I get from my kids caring for me making sure I'm ok. The visits that I look forward to so much even though time flys by when people are here and it's time to go again. So much love and support from cousins aunts and people I don't even know properly it's crazy. All the medical professional team that I never had first time getting breast cancer it's a lot to take in. Sarah Sullivan and Cameron are coming to see me for a few days and I'm so looking forward to that. Don't see them often enough and it'll be harder when the new baby comes along after Christmas. In one way I feel so lucky I mean my support network is amazing I just don't want to die I want to keep fighting and pushing through the pain no matter what. I'm strong in some ways and I don't want rougher treatment where all treatment would be through a drip and I'd lose my hair because I'd have no hope of getting it back as chemo is not going to stop unless it doesn't work anymore.