In this post I'm going to tell it how it is in my opinion. The Breast Cancer, Chemo, Effects, Thoughts. Any type of Cancer is very hard to deal with. In my case it is Breast Cancer. Firstly Cancer and Chemotherapy can effect different people in different ways for some they can deal with the Cancer very well and have little side effects from the Chemotherapy treatment others do not deal with having cancer so well and have awful side effects from Chemotherapy. Sometimes you will even get people that make things out to be worse then what they actually are so I'm going to tell it exactly how it is for me. There is no point in dressing things up or making them worse then what they actually are so I will just be honest and blunt. If anything it is a learning experience for people that don't know some of the effects you can get from Chemotherapy. Since I was diagnosed with breast cancer in April 2010 my world has changed so much. I'm still trying to deal with having cancer, having a breast removed, Chemotherapy, emotions, self esteem, children. I'm going to write a little on each topic. I cant speak for everyone so these are just my opinions.
Cancer.
In my opinion when a person is told they have cancer it feels like the end of the world and the first thing I wondered was if I was going to die. It was heart braking to hear that I had Cancer and having to tell everyone and watch them all cry.
Having a breast removed.
I had a cancer lump grade 3 in my left breast and was advised to have it removed as soon as possible I agreed straight away. I wanted to save my life. The breast was removed along with 7 nodes from under the armpit. I was very numb and sore after. I was given a temporary boob while I was healing after surgery and a permanent boob to place in a specially fitted bra once I had healed up properly. It's been 5 months since the surgery and I am still numb under the arm. Its a strange feeling having a breast gone and it makes me feel not normal. I am having reconstruction surgery when all the treatment is over but it will never be the same again.
Chemotherapy.
Chemotherapy effects people in different ways. I have finished my 4th Big Chemo session which consists of Herceptin, Taxotere, Carboplatin which is given through a drip into my arm and takes roughly 2 and a half hours for it to finish.
My side effects are as follows. Feeling sick, hair loss, extreme tiredness, dry mouth and sore tongue, my finger nails have changed to a brown color, little sweats from time to time. I have to take 8 steroids the day before Chemo, Day of Chemo, Day after Chemo they stop you having a reaction to the Chemotherapy. They stop you from sleeping and make you very depressed when they wear off for a couple of days.
Emotions.
My emotions are all over the place so many different feelings and things to cope with. Some days I'm ok other days I am not. I do feel like crying every day and that it's just not fair getting Cancer at the age of 38. I hate the fact that my children and partner have to suffer the way they do because of me.
Self esteem.
My self esteem is literally none. My hair is nearly all gone except a little bit and having the breast removed makes me feel like a man instead of a woman. I also wear a medicated wig which looks like real hair and no one can tell it is a wig but I know it is and it does not help my self esteem because I feel like a freak in it.
Children and partners.
Not only do you suffer but your children and partner does just as much as you. Cancer is a horrible thing for your loved ones to have to deal with. They worry about you and always wonder if your going to die or make it and have to watch you suffer and know there is nothing they can do. Lots of time gets missed with them because of sickness and treatments and sleep.
So for all the people that think it's just cancer to cope with or that your dealing with things great and coping take all topics into consideration and have a read of what its really like for some. No one can fully understand unless they go through cancer themselves.
No comments:
Post a Comment